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Diary of a Felguard

Posted on December 19th, 2006

Via Vexing of Demented Unity guild of Proudmoore server. Wed, 6th December Uneventful day in Xoroth until my corporeal form was ripped through the dimensions and ended up on a backwater planet quaintly called 'Azeroth'. The inhabitants can't be very clever, because one of the continents is called Azeroth too. My guess is that their tiny brains can only hold a few names at a time. It seems I'm now enslaved to a soft-skinned pink humanoid thing called 'Vexing' whom forces me to follow her and do her bidding. My only consolation is that I can constantly give her sass about how she can't fight her own battles and stuff. However, when first summoned, by voice was strangely high-pitched and...girly. Fortunately, this seems to have worn off now. Thur, 7th December It seems I am not alone. Several of my close relatives (Uncle Thuurtom and cousin Jhuutom, amongst many others) are here too; also enslaved to various wretched creatures. I now count myself fortunate, as my mistress does not squeak, have neon hair, three fingers or smell like cabbage - and is taller than my knee-pads. She also has an impressive rack. I like how it jiggles when she runs. Which is often. Fri, 8th December There appears to be three zones of conflict on this hick-planet, they are called Warstomp Gulch, Earthy Basin and Falter Back Valley. These places are where my mistress turns me loose to bury my axe in the squishy innards of what appear to be a team of circus freaks - talking cows, really skinny guys with no jaws and chaps with serious dental issues. I can see that this is indeed a worthy cause! Sat, 9th December My mistress appears to be being ostracised by her friends for some reason. While I'm still struggling with the accents used by the locals, I believe they are saying things like "Oh em gee! Overpowered! NERF NERF NERF!" or "Dubbya tee eff? Blizz must be on drugs!" She has now retreated to the dim depths of a place called Blasted Lands, where she weeps uncontrollably and keeps trying to push me through this gigantic portal then crying even hard and blubbering something like "You must have your Burning Queue Paid to enter this area". I feel sorry for her, in fact I think I'm starting to fall in love with her. This reminds me for some reason of a Demon Overlord I once served, called Stockhelm Sindrone. Sun, 10th December Spent most of the day following the mistress and helping her pick flowers in some autumn paradise called Azshara. Didn't say much, except when our 'together time' was intruded upon by wandering spiders and gryphons. Tried to act like I was macho and yelled things like "A WELCOME DIVERSION!" when hacking up spiders. Maybe this was a mistake. Also, I just can bring myself to leave her side unless fighting. Am I being too clingy? Too needy? She put a silversage blossom behind one of my horns and told me I looked cute. Maybe she really does like me? Diary, I'm so confused right now. __________________

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